What a Country!

As Yakov Smirnoff once said, “What a country!” 

The opportunities are limitless.  Breaking into a car or a home is child’s play.  If you want money, you just walk into a convenience store and demand it.  Police departments are so overworked that they cannot afford the time to chase down most criminals.  And if you get caught, the court will give you a little slap on the wrist.  Crime is the easiest career choice. 

Of course, the biggest boon to the professional criminal is the all-powerful American apathy.  Don’t get involved – that’s the American slogan.  If you see something, cross to the other side of the street and pretend you didn’t.  If the system isn’t fair, don’t fight it.  Don’t bother your congress person with trivial things like justice, fairness, and change.  He/she has much more important things to do.  After all, the parliament cafeteria has raised its prices again. 

It is truly amazing how many of these negative things I can say, and you will still do nothing.  Oh, sure, you will get angry for a couple of minutes, but you will cool off before the sun rises one more time.  I can call you apathetic, uncaring, callous, afraid, any number of not-so-nice things. You’ll just rationalize your behaviour one way or the other.  You will make peace with yourself by making one more excuse. 

So what can you do to stop the criminal?  Who cares?  Why should I waste my time publishing yet another list of actions that can be taken when you have ignored all the other lists you have seen.  Perhaps you went as far as changing a lock or two, but you did not bother to do anything really effective.  So, tell me, why should I waste my time telling you how to protect yourself. 

To all you criminals out there (and you know who you are), congratulations on being American.  They won’t cut off your hands, castrate you, flog you, kill you, or even throw you into jail for long periods of time.  And if they do lock you up, they’ll make sure your accommodations are the best in the world.  Your opportunities are unlimited! 

American society is sending you a very clear message – rip me off!  We will do everything in our power to make life easy for you. 

What a country!